Twenty Six

It’s happening. I’m going to be on the wrong side of the 20s in a matter of a few weeks. Unlike every other birthday, this is driving me insane ever since someone subtly mentioned that I’m pushing 30s now (You NEVER do that to a woman. Neverrrr!).

In the last two years, I’ve come closer to my dreams as much as I’ve gone away from a few others. Everything starts becoming clearer. Maybe, it’s the age or the experiences you go through. Maybe, it was the big jump of moving to another city. Maybe, it’s a bit of everything.

So much changes about you but does it really?

On the occasion of my 24th birthday, I’d jotted down an extensive list of life lessons that helped me make it this far. Read here.

Everything holds true, more so now than ever before. 

Here’s an updated version for my 26th or as my friend calls it, 1st annual celebration of my 25th birthday.

(In no particular order)

Crush Your Ego

There is a big difference between self-esteem and ego. Identify that difference when you act on your impulsive reactions. Ego is destructive. Self-esteem is constructive. Opportunities are aplenty but don’t hold yourself back.

Everyone is Equal

So what if she is prettier than you and that’s what helps her get her work done? So what if he was born with a silver spoon and that’s why he is where he is today? Has anyone blamed you for being better at balancing a wine glass on your nose than the others? Has anyone questioned your ability to sniff out the crazies like a hound? Everyone is different. Respect each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

Give

I’m not saying pass a dollar to every homeless person on the street. I’m not asking you to join non-profits that will save the world. No. That’s your decision.

But remember that you shall reap what you sow. Everyone is selfish. Including me. What is it that you are offering to the world that no one else can? How are you making someone’s life better? Why should I talk to you and not the neighbor standing next to you?

Follow Your Heart, But Don’t Be Ridiculous

Yes. That’s what we have been taught in the past 5 years.

“Follow your dreams. Connect the dots later.”

What stalwarts like Steve Jobs didn’t tell you is that you have to work your ass off to achieve your dreams and sometimes it will include doing really mundane not-so-glamourous tasks like making 600 copies or going through 50 reports to find one piece of information or working on a creative brief for panty liners.

Don’t stop dreaming but also don’t quit your job because you had to do something “beneath” you one day.

Your Words Matter

You could get away with saying that you don’t care about gender equality or state of farmers in Maharashtra when you’re younger. But it sounds way different now when you’re on the other side of your 20s.

Your opinions make a difference and you have the ability to push the needle to make real change happen.

READ. No seriously, ACTUAL READING.

You’re going to meet a lot of other smart and cognizant people when you put yourself out there. They can tell the difference between someone who’s read the title versus someone who’s read the book. Don’t EVER pretend to know something you don’t know. It’s okay to admit that you don’t know something.

Your Parents Were Right About Everything

You start realizing now that whatever your parents told you about life is actually true. Remember that time at dinner when your dad wouldn’t stop talking about the importance of waking up early or having dinner on time? Yeah. He was probably right.

Fine. You don’t have to admit it to them. 

There Is No Later

You can’t afford to procrastinate anymore. Well you can, hypothetically. But that’s your loss. Because this is it!

Those random travel plans you made with your college buddies, that origami class you always wanted to take, that boy/girl you always wanted to know more, that dress you always wanted to try… do it. Time flies by faster all of a sudden.

Don’t Believe Everything You See

Everything that glitters is not gold. They’d taught this to us in primary school. We tend to forget that this is applicable to almost everything.

Even if Bill Gates comes to you one day and asks you to do something, question it. Why? Why is this going to work as opposed to something else? Don’t do things blindly because only cows do that. Are you a cow?

Pain Is Not An Excuse

Empathize, not sympathize. Stand tall; don’t look for a reason to fall. It’s easy to wallow in self-pity and not do what you're meant to be doing. But the only person you’re doing a great disservice to by being so is yourself.

It’s difficult but not impossible. You are your only person.

Everyone Has Their Own Journey

Everyday your Facebook Wall will constantly remind you how someone is getting engaged, is in a relationship, got a job, is getting married, is having babies, has become a grandparent, has baked cookies, is owning a bunny farm (okay, last one was pushing it and that would probably be me) etc.

It’s OKAY. Don’t “fall in love” with someone because you’re the only one in your friend circle who is not. Don’t start a family because it’s “time”. Your life is your own. Peer/parent pressure is what you make of it.

Also, Have A Cat.

Cause cats are amazeballs!

P.S: Quarter Life Crisis is a real thing. 

Young, Wild & Free

Doing drugs is NOT cool. If you want to see rainbows then wait for rains on a sunny day. When I see young teenage boys barely in their teens huddling with peddlers in corners of absurd streets or meeting at random tappris it breaks my heart. Why do you want to lose your innocence so soon? Why do you want to grow up and fall into a dark abyss of drug abuse that stunts your potential? This glow of the universe will seem dimmer and dimmer as you grow old and see how ugly it can be. Why do you want to make it dim so soon?

I don’t know. I was never that kid. I loved experimenting and the rush of that spontaneous moment where you discover new things. Deep down, I’m still that kid who waits for moments of spontaneity. I know what is good for me and what isn't. I feel like two-face sometimes. There are times when that wild child breaks out of the cage of restraint to make her real life seem dreamy and then there are times when that grandmother in me is handing out unsolicited advice to people.

I stopped doing that. People don’t like to be told what they ought to do. But more or less, in moments of grief these kids come to me and confess to me as if I’m a pastor who can free them of their sins. I feel it inside with an inexplicable pressure in my chest… their regret and I see them growing too, in that moment. It’s beautiful. We should make mistakes. We should do what we want to do. Often, we don’t know what we want to do. We are weighed down by the abominable insecurity of the unknown and we jump into an abyss which calls us with an assurance of liberty from these calls of distress that keep ringing in our head.

Puff… puff… puff…

Those fumes of heady lights are an expression of rebellion against everything that has ever bothered you. Your family, your lovers, your boss, your colleagues, the establishment, the cops, your rapists, your enemies... that pill is a way to hide from the singeing pain of the past, the present and the future. The ecstasy of those euphoric moments is your antidote to the rotting angst that is eating at your insides. It is a moment of numbness and of a flood of emotions running parallel to each other as they both ride away this wave together.

I don’t know. Maybe, I’m wrong. I’m not a junkie. I’m not an alcoholic or a smoker even. Never was. The temptation is enticing and it feels beautiful sometimes to have moments of respite. But no, I want to live with it. I want to live with my troubles and not run away from them.

That numbness can be addictive. If I live in a perennial state of lightness and ecstasy I won’t have to confront the questions that have been looming over my head like a guillotine. Life will breeze past and I won’t have to worry. I can keep doing this and one day those questions will go away. You may forget the questions but they’ll never go away. I wish they knew that. I wish they wouldn't drown themselves in that well of unfeelingness.

I've seen many wondrous souls trapped in such a well who don’t know a way out anymore. Their affair with drugs started with social experimentation as a harmless recreation but it turned into a torrid abusive relationship that held them with chains at their ankles. They yelped sometimes for fresh air but they remained shrouded in their own darkness. Not everyone knows where to draw the line.

When you are skin and bone without anyone, you hold on to that pill… that drink… that smoke thinking that this will get you through. It doesn't. It keeps you away from you.

If you want to let go of your inhibitions, you don’t need a drink. You need you. I handed over a glass of Sprite to this girl one night. It was her first drink, apparently. She barely had 5 ml vodka but she thought she was drunk. She had the best night of her life.

We are all corrupted and broken in one way or another. I don’t know if drugs will cure you. Don’t let it become a need. They maybe an unavoidable part of life but don’t let it become your life. You want to become thin? Then join the gym and eat right. At least, you won’t feel like shit when you wake up the next day or every time you fall sick.

There’s a time for everything and if we are not ready for it, we’ll get thrown away to the side-lines by the sheer force and ferocity of its vagueness. We are young.

Young, wild and free…

Freedom comes with a heavy cost. It’ll make you pay up in ways you didn’t get a chance to bargain for. There’s no turning back. You have to start afresh and it’s a fight that will be worth fighting for. You have a mind of your own or do you? So, your friends are doing it but do you want to? Never hold anyone else responsible for your shortcomings because you always have a choice. Always.

You know, what’s my poison?

Life... I can’t get enough of it. 

To Wonder Land

Beyond the boundaries of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there – Rumi.

This field is lush green and expansive. It never ends. It goes on and on for as long as you want it to go. The day you want to reach its boundaries, you’ll find them. Your boundaries are defined by you. Your freedom is defined by you. We forget that we always have a choice.

We are defined by our choices. Our relationships are defined by our choices. We can make them beautiful or we can dehydrate them with a rule book of civilities and normalcy. Possibilities are endless and no two people on this planet can have the same life. No two couples on this planet can share the same lives. Maybe, our choices can be similar. But our reactions, our responses, our emotions, they are difficult to replicate.

Why do we listen to songs about undying love? Why do we write poems to express our thoughts and feelings? Why do so many movies revolve around issues that we want to talk about? Why do we read fairy tales to children at bedtime?

We want someone to give words to our thoughts and emotions. We want someone to tell us that “hey, you are not alone in this world. I’ve felt that too.” We unite in our experiences. We share these moments. We share a bit of ourselves in those moments. That’s how we form friendships. That’s how we find love. That’s how we strengthen ties with our families. Based on the common denominator of human experiences that we share, we build our bonds.

We’ve formed frameworks of these experiences based on judgments formed by our ancestors. We’ve formed limitations to everyday living to gain maximum potential from our lives and to survive as per the laws of Society. If you want to flourish, then you must be a certain way. But my question is do we have to?

Who made these laws and regulations? Weren’t they normal people like you and me? How did they reach these conclusions? 

We have to form our own judgements. Why to accept the status quo without examining it in the first place? Is it working for you? Is it diminishing your potential? Maybe, they were great stalwarts and they set benchmarks for us to avoid the hassle that they went through. But real knowledge and wisdom is acquired through personal experiences and not through texts and speeches. We can take pointers and see where to begin from but we have to get there on our own.

Else, what’s the fun? Else, what’s left to explore? Make your mistakes and fall. We’ll be more alert, more prepared for catastrophes that we haven’t faced yet. We’ll be more acquainted with ourselves. If you haven’t allowed yourself to live, how do you even know yourself? How do you know what you like and what you don’t like? If you’ve sat in a corner watching life go by and never actively been a part of it, life will go on and it will leave you behind.

Don’t be afraid.

Let’s cross the bridge

On the other side lies a world of uncertainty

On this side lies calculated list of probabilities

I can’t promise Happily Ever After

I can promise you a possibility

A possibility of Love

A possibility of Hope

A possibility of Failure

A possibility of Heartbreak

But you won’t regret that possibility

Of not considering the possibility

On the other side, I’ll wait for you

I don’t know the way ahead…

But we’ll make the road

With every step that we take

Think About It

Sometimes, your life seems like a movie film. A lot of emotions, drama, sensational scenes and moving resolutions are sometimes too real even for a movie. Movies generally demand a happy ending or maybe a lesson to take along. You cannot predict that happy ending for yourself. If it comes to you, then thank your stars; if not, then curse the Lord! While this maybe the scenario with most of the multitude, there are a few exceptions who make their OWN happy ending. So, which category do you want to fall in?

Growth is painful. When you were 5 years old, the death of the playful butterfly had you in tears; when you turned 10, it was the unavailability of a video game that was a tragedy; by the time you are 15, you suffer your first heartbreak; now, when you are 20.. well, the world becomes a whole lot more interesting. You are old enough to think sensibly but still young enough to get away with lunacy. It is the final frontier of adolescence because now you finally transition into adulthood.

Adulthood is a different world altogether. A large part of our lives are governed by the decisions of adults. Parents, teachers, legislators... etc.,etc. The world works because of these beings.. adults. That is a lot of pressure, isn't it? So, only a 20-something can relate to you the pressures of transitioning into this new world. This is the phase when addictions start governing your life. Addictions need not necessarily translate to drugs, sex, alcohol, smokes. Adding to this, one maybe addicted to fitness, beauty, relationships, cheating, stealing, computers, television, food and the works!

You break into the person you are and most probably that is what you are going to be, fundamentally, for the rest of your life. If you have even the slightest inkling of what it means to be YOU then suppressing it to "fit in"  is a wasteful effort. The more you suppress it, the more it does harm to you. Maybe not in substantial terms but inherently, certainly. Accept who you are and celebrate it. Celebration of - who you are- is a journey of a lifetime. Consequently, irrespective of your age.. 20, 30, 40... it becomes simpler to live life. The perennial confusions that plague your mind become easier to resolve. Pride or approval.. love or career.. parents or friends.. short cut or long shot..

If you shy away from yourself then more than you, your loved ones will suffer. They will never come to know who you REALLY are. If you truly love someone that would be the least they deserve.. a chance to know YOU. However, what about the obstacles and setbacks one faces when attempting to do so? Do you have the strength to stand and face the onslaught? Are you ready to face your own insecurities and be the bigger person? Sometimes, you would wonder, why go through such agonizing hardships? It is far more natural to just suck up to life and become a part of the forces which put pressure on you. Yes, maybe that is true. However, you won't have the pleasure of stating - " I LIVED LIFE ON MY OWN TERMS...!".

Why harmony?

 

WHY PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY DO?

WHY DO WE LAUGH?

WHY DO WE CRY?

WHY DO WE GET ANGRY?

WHY DOES PASSION DRIVE US TO THE HEIGHTS OF INSANITY?

WHY DO WE GIVE IN OUR SWEAT & BLOOD?

WHY DO WE LOVE?

WHY DO WE HATE?

WHY DO WE MARRY?

WHY DO WE PROCREATE?

WHY DO WE MAKE FRIENDS?

WHY DO WE MAKE ENEMIES?

WHY DO WE FAIL?

WHY DO WE DREAM?

WHY DO WE LIE?

WHY DO WE SPEAK THE TRUTH?

WHY DO WE INVENT?

WHO DO WE DESIGN?

WHY DO WE WAIT?

WHY DO WE HURRY?

WHY DO WE GET STRESSED?

WHY DO WE GET DRESSED?

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

To these WHYs, we search the answers.

To many HOWs, we rummage the spaces.

To many WHATs, we analyse the world around.

We quest for these questions and more, all our lives, to make it more meaningful. But why is it so essential to find meaning? Why is it that in the multitude of millions we seek our individuality? Why is it that so many persons are moved and motivated by different goals? Or are we ultimately aiming for the same?

Is life a mere enactment for entertainment?

We are born into a world which is way beyond are comprehension and gregarious in its functioning. So, while we are at it... while we are still a part of it, we try and make sense of this discombobulation. Where does this curiosity arise from? Does every living organism apart from homo sapiens have this same sense of curiosity? Is it possible for them to have feelings too? Maybe, they have feelings which are so contrasting that they are out of range from happiness, sadness and anger. Who are we to say?

The world around us involves innumerable elements, species and phenomena. Some may remain unacknowledged forever. Yet, we show compassion only to fellow humans and sometimes not even that. Human evolution has managed to sideline the rest of the world. Our insatiable thirst for innovation and comfort have driven us to create technology that absorbs even the most redundant appearing rock and making it a resourceful raw material! In the race to reach the utopia of luxury, man is robbing the Earth of its treasures. While the rest of its inhabitants scamper for protection, many disappearing into oblivious extinction, we jettison into the future with zeal and ignore the famine created by our own hands.

"Survival of the fittest..." as Darwin theorized seems demonic in nature when thoughtfully reviewed. Is it always about the stronger? Is it always about the sharper? Is the competition of life indefinite? Does that imply that the meek and submissive are not meant to survive? Were they just aberrations in the continual experiments and trials of evolution?

Then, maybe, the stronger "Superior" beings are supposed to crumple the conquered under their toes. The world is supposed to serve its masters! But who decided this rule?

Humans march forward to turn their imagination into reality; to bring into existence the dreams of an alternate reality. Emperors of the Earth... haha.. Was everything on this planet created to serve humanity and its ulterior motives?

We do not have the right to abuse our power in this manner. We do not have the right to alter reality to our own taste because it can only lead to one destination.... DESTRUCTION. Power knows no master once its unleashed!

Laws of nature are not to be meddled with. Our fore fathers worshiped the forces of nature not without reason. The fact that even today, our confined intelligence has not succeeded in grasping the inscrutable power of Nature indicates who we really are. We are but a product of Nature and not its masters.

We harm, hurt and kill creatures not human; air, water, soil are polluted regularly; land is reclaimed and water is harnessed; this is the life of a normal human being. Then, by some surprising surge of benevolence and guilt, we realize, we are crossing certain boundaries and need to make amends. Its never too late! How easy it is to underestimate the resilience of Nature. When the torture nears barbarism and actions are sans ethics, Nature's wrath spares no one. Rightly so!

The power that we have maybe strutting misguided souls along circumspect paths but ultimately, it will reach its end. Maybe, then the inglorious masters will let sense and sensibility dawn on one and all. Maybe, then there will be harmony, not only among the many races of humans but also, between the worlds hidden beneath our greed, surviving untarnished.