The Silent Battle of #MeToo
I’ve been silent. I’ve run out of words. A tsunami of confessions and allegations leveling the playing field in the form of 2 simple words #MeToo is rocking the status quo. One story after another, all these illustrious men that the world has learnt to look up to have skeletons in their closet.
And at the end of the day, that’s my question to you all – will this really matter? Aren’t you thinking the same? It pains me to acknowledge that every woman that I know has had some sort of episode of harassment, abuse or mistreatment. We learnt to be quiet. We shared stories with our loved ones (usually and mostly female) yearning for some sort of comfort. But all we could do was ask ourselves to “man up” and live with it. Where are you going to register this complaint? How much are you willing to subject your fragile soul to cold scrutiny from strangers with no empathy? Are you ready to hear counter accusations and be reverse manipulated into feeling a pit of guilt for even thinking about a chance of true justice?
True justice – there is none. You don’t feel vindicated even if you win the battle. All you could possibly feel is exhaustion. But if it’s a fight you are willing to fight, it’s to ensure that this does not become a repeat offense. Or maybe, finally we’ll have a way to shame and blame perpetrators as a mechanism to seek better behavior. Maybe. But what are they going to take away from us in return? What’s the cost of seeking this justice? I don’t have the answers to these questions yet.
I do believe in change but this one battle I don’t have much fire to fight. Because the truth of the matter is I live in a world that was designed by men, for men. I live in a world where a man would go out of his way to hide the flaws of his friend while a woman wouldn’t think twice before throwing her friend under the bus. I don’t think this is an Us vs. Them battle. It’s “me against my own monsters” battle for both men and women. It’s a chance for men to band together and redefine acceptable behavior amongst themselves. It’s a chance for women to learn to trust our own kind and offer a shoulder of comfort. It’s a chance to have a meaningful dialogue and not just air years of resentment and oppression that was felt by our kind.
It’s a chance for women to learn to trust our own kind
Are we ready yet?
Tough choices. Tougher lessons. I’ve been silent because I still don’t have the courage to fight the status quo. I’m afraid that the 10 odd anonymous messages from random strangers will turn into a 1000 vicious attacks instead. I’m afraid that the friends who’ve stood by my side so far will turn their backs and look the other way. I’m afraid that the reality of everyone’s thoughts will be hidden in deeper canyons of their minds and show itself at unexpected junctures of our lives. I’m afraid that this grand platform of justice will be another mirage that will give me only momentary fulfillment but a long-term wound of humiliation and embarrassment.
I’ve been silent because I don’t have the fire to fight this battle – the battle where we are sidestepping the stories and investing energies in name calling and revenge instead. I’m not going to spend time in demeaning a whole class of citizens and generalizing misdemeanor. I can’t. Because they exist out of reach amongst us masked as people we know and love, or as those acquaintances that help you with your daily chores, or as those background actors in your life that exist but you never remember their names or faces. And this storm by itself will not move a whisker unless we all introspect and call for a higher order of morality in behavior from each other.
Do we live in the same world?
I hope so. I really really hope so.
It’s not about who did what to whom. It’s about who did what they did and why. At the end of the day, aren’t we all responsible in some way or the other? Because we as society, created these monsters. You are a part of the problem. And I can’t ever let myself forget that. What about you?
The warriors that are out there, to them, I say – if you could change just one person’s perspective, just one… that should be enough. The rest is well… karma.
“Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana,
Ma Karma Phala Hetur Bhurma Tey Sangostva Akarmani”
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